Thank you for writing about this. Many capable women also experience coercive control. You might not know they have this going on, because they manage it and everything looks fine from the outside. You wouldn't suspect it because they don't portray the image of a victim. They might not seek help because they identify themselves as a capable person.
The line that stays with me: functioning is not the same thing as wellbeing.
What makes this so hard to catch is that capable women use their own competence as evidence that they're fine. The output stays intact long after the internal state has started to erode which means by the time it's visible, the deficit is already significant.
The body kept the score quietly for months before anyone noticed, including her.
This is why I could no longer continue teaching theatre. The constant vigilance for 10-12 hours a day, remembering each level’s learning objective, differentiating instruction, remembering it’s Suzy’s birthday and that I need to get Rebecca’s dress size before 6th period so I could order costumes. And that was a day with no fire drills, no screaming in the hallway, no extra duties. I still came home to papers to grade and a prop to paint.
My dad used to tell me I was the hardest working person he knew. I don’t think he realized I didn’t have a choice.
I have coached exec women for years and wrongly guided them to take care of what I thought was burnout. Turns out most of them were going through a difficult perimenopause... A lot of symptoms are similar for both.
Thanks for openly talking about this. I have gone through burnout several times and the main reason I built my app, MillionVibe for women founders. And then I also went through postpartum depression, so I started writing about it, because I know an app will not be available to help that horrible situation
Thank you for writing this and providing this perspective. I’ve often been told I’m too independent or overly independent. A lot of that is because I have had to be because there is no one else to do what needs to be done or make the decision needing to be made. I’m slowly learning to regulate my nervous system and letting these be. Very thoughtful piece. Thank you!
I was all of those things, capable and reliable, 3 kids, a cat, a job and a huge house. Then I decided to stop working for a year. I couldn’t do it anymore and I hated my boss. I needed to stop to realise that I was indeed burned out. It took me 6 months before I could truly relax.
Someone told me (a Black woman) that in Black women, depression looks quite different than it does for White women. Overachievement and hard work are its main manifestations, usually due to a cultural background of keep-going-no-matter-what.
Thank you for writing about this. Many capable women also experience coercive control. You might not know they have this going on, because they manage it and everything looks fine from the outside. You wouldn't suspect it because they don't portray the image of a victim. They might not seek help because they identify themselves as a capable person.
High functioning women are too good at masking-just like everything else they set their mind to.
The line that stays with me: functioning is not the same thing as wellbeing.
What makes this so hard to catch is that capable women use their own competence as evidence that they're fine. The output stays intact long after the internal state has started to erode which means by the time it's visible, the deficit is already significant.
The body kept the score quietly for months before anyone noticed, including her.
This is why I could no longer continue teaching theatre. The constant vigilance for 10-12 hours a day, remembering each level’s learning objective, differentiating instruction, remembering it’s Suzy’s birthday and that I need to get Rebecca’s dress size before 6th period so I could order costumes. And that was a day with no fire drills, no screaming in the hallway, no extra duties. I still came home to papers to grade and a prop to paint.
My dad used to tell me I was the hardest working person he knew. I don’t think he realized I didn’t have a choice.
I have coached exec women for years and wrongly guided them to take care of what I thought was burnout. Turns out most of them were going through a difficult perimenopause... A lot of symptoms are similar for both.
Because to notice it you have to stop. And we usually don’t!
Thanks for openly talking about this. I have gone through burnout several times and the main reason I built my app, MillionVibe for women founders. And then I also went through postpartum depression, so I started writing about it, because I know an app will not be available to help that horrible situation
Thank you for writing this and providing this perspective. I’ve often been told I’m too independent or overly independent. A lot of that is because I have had to be because there is no one else to do what needs to be done or make the decision needing to be made. I’m slowly learning to regulate my nervous system and letting these be. Very thoughtful piece. Thank you!
I was all of those things, capable and reliable, 3 kids, a cat, a job and a huge house. Then I decided to stop working for a year. I couldn’t do it anymore and I hated my boss. I needed to stop to realise that I was indeed burned out. It took me 6 months before I could truly relax.
Such an important post!
Someone told me (a Black woman) that in Black women, depression looks quite different than it does for White women. Overachievement and hard work are its main manifestations, usually due to a cultural background of keep-going-no-matter-what.
This resonated so deeply. Thank you for writing so thoughtful
Very insightful and well-written article—looking forward to more on this topic.