Strictly’s Shirley Ballas: I still turn to my mum for advice
Despite the self-doubt, the ballroom dance expert is not afraid to speak out and help break taboos.
At 64, Shirley Ballas happily admits she still turns to her mother for advice.
The Strictly Come Dancing judge, who shares her London home with her mother Audrey, 87, says it’s often her mum’s encouragement that spurs her on in life – which was the case when she fronted an ad campaign highlighting bladder leakage and the difference pelvic floor exercises can make.
“She said, ‘You need to get out there, you need to spread the word, and you need to make this so it’s not a taboo subject!’,” Merseyside-born Ballas recalls.
“My mum is the one that’s constantly pushing me into real-life things. She said: ‘One day Shirley when you pop your clogs, because life is so short – be remembered for the person who wasn’t embarrassed to get out there and say the real thing’. And that rang true with me, I thought she’s absolutely right.”
Despite her glowing presence and poise on Strictly and not being afraid to speak up about personal topics, Ballas says self-confidence is something that’s never come easy.
“Confidence has been an issue from a young age, and I think it’s ongoing with me. I’m always insecure about the way I look, I’m insecure about what I wear,” she says.
“I’m always looking for validation from my mother, even though sometimes I stand in my own room, which is opposite my mum’s, and I think: ‘Now, you don’t need this validation, Shirley – you’ve had your hair done, you’ve got make-up on, you’re looking pretty ok’.
“But no, I go into her room because I’m searching for that validation all the time. And I think that comes from the tough industry I’ve been raised in, where weight was an issue, your look was an issue, bullying was an issue,” she adds, referring to the body-image pressures many dancers will be able to relate to.
Ballas – a lifelong ballroom dancer, choreographer and dance teacher, is the face of Always Discreet’s ‘Squeeze the Day’ campaign. She was appointed head judge on the BBC’s much-loved Strictly series in 2017, following the late Len Goodman’s departure – is no stranger to raising awareness of issues that hold significant personal meaning to her.
For example, she became an ambassador for the charity CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) after losing her older brother, David, to suicide in 2003, and has opened up about her experiences of menopause symptoms in a bid to break the silence around the health changes millions of women go through.
And as her mother reminded her recently: “As a woman who has experienced bladder leaks, why wouldn’t you talk about this too?”
It’s something that’s affected her at a number of points in her life.
“Of course, I experienced it when I had my son, Mark, at 25,” says Ballas, who had Mark with her second husband, American former ballroom dancer Corky Ballas (the couple divorced in 2007).
“Menopause was another time, and then when I was going through divorces, I just seemed to have this awful time with my bladder, and that was due to stress.
“So, I think this can happen to anybody, at any time, and I’m encouraging everyone to do their pelvic floor exercises. [November is] Bladder Health Awareness Month – I’m on a mission. This is not a taboo subject, we really need to help talk about this.”
It’s believed at least a third of women experience bladder leaks at some point, and a survey on behalf of Always Discreet found over half (55%) feel unprepared for it. Yet regular pelvic floor exercises (which involves briefly squeezing and holding the muscles that run from the tailbone to the pubic bone at the front ) are proven to both help prevent and improve the issue.
The campaign survey also found 63% of women feel embarrassed about having bladder leakage, while 62% say it makes them anxious – and this is what it really boils down to for Ballas.
“Our bodies are fantastic machines, we create life, so let’s make sure that we take care of our own life.”
Shirley Ballas
“It can stop you doing things you love. It can stop you going to yoga, it can stop you going out – let’s say you have a night out with friends and you know there’s going to be lots of laughing [which can trigger leakage when those pelvic floor muscles are weak].”
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One thing she has learned to let go of, though, is feeling embarrassed.
“I’ve been in and out of doctors’ appointments all my life, and my doctor once told me when I went for a [cervical] smear test: ‘Shirley, why are you getting embarrassed? Your body is a machine, every body is a machine, and I’m a doctor and I study to help people like you – so don’t be embarrassed when you come in because your body is just a machine when I’m looking at it’. And I never forgot that, I was in my early 30s, I think.
“I urge all women out there – our bodies are fantastic machines, we create life, so let’s make sure that we take care of our own life.”
Ballas does like to take care of her health and skin, but relaxation probably isn’t her strong point.
“Oh, that’s a tricky one, because chilling is not my best thing!” she admits.
“My mum’s idea of chill is that her and I get in bed and watch TV all day and have our breakfast in bed, so I have done that maybe once this year. And we’ve had a couple of five-day breaks, where we go somewhere nice. We went to [luxury New Forest spa hotel] Chewton Glen, and we had a cruise, that was also lovely.
“My mum can’t travel any more – she can’t even travel to see her great-grandbaby, but we see him every day on Zoom or FaceTime, because my son lives in LA. So, I have to find nice places for me and my mum to chill. But chill is not an easy thing for me.”