I've interviewed negotiation experts around the world. Here are their secrets.

Never just ‘blag it’, questions mean power, and ask for more than you want.

By Amy Combrinck, negotiation expert, coach and speaker

Negotiation doesn’t have to be intimidating. It’s not just about striking deals; it’s about building confidence, advocating for yourself and shaping the life you want.

Whether it’s a salary increase, flexible working arrangements or major life decisions like buying a house, it’s a basic survival skill for life’s complexities. Successful negotiations are built on collaboration, empathy and mutual benefit.

I’ve interviewed seasoned negotiators from various industries for my podcast, Negotiation Illuminators.

Here are the tips they swear by:

1. “Never just ‘blag it’”

(from a CMO at IAB)

Preparation is key. Spend more time researching, preparing and building your case than actually negotiating. Gather “irrefutable facts” — it’s not bragging or ego if you have the evidence. Know your superpowers. Get a notebook and jot down your proudest moments. Create a folder for every “praise” email or piece of outstanding work. Write down your goal and what you bring to the table (on paper as writing helps trigger your memory).

2. “Ask for more than what you want”

(from an ex Google SVP Partnerships)

When setting your goals, have both an upper and lower limit. The lower limit should be better than what you have today. The upper limit? That’s the goal that gets you jumping out of bed in the morning! Aim closer to your upper limit because there’s nearly always room for negotiation.

3. “You can’t stop your reactions, but you can learn to understand them”

(from an ex Facebook Global Head of Trading)

The amygdala in our brain triggers fear responses to protect us from threats such as a scary bear coming to eat us - think “fight or flight”. Replace the bear with your boss, interviewer, or child at bedtime. We can’t help our hearts racing and our emotions reacting during negotiations, but we can learn to notice it and manage it. The prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for decision-making, struggles to work when the amygdala is in overdrive. Next time you feel anxious in a negotiation, pause. Take a moment. Drink some water. It gives your brain the chance to reset.

4. “Whoever asks the questions controls the conversation”

(Author and former Publisher at HarperCollins)

Asking questions shifts the focus and encourages openness. It builds trust and reveals the other person’s true interests. But remember, there’s a difference between listening to hear and listening just to respond. When you’re listening, stay fully present. People can sense when someone’s not being genuine, so make sure you really listen.

5. “Put yourself in the other person’s shoes”

(Director of Advanced Advertising, ITV)

This is where most negotiations fail — by not considering the other person’s perspective. You might be well-prepared, but if you haven’t thought about what’s keeping the other person up at night, you won’t succeed. What might they need? How can you help them reach their goals? If you don’t know them personally, do research and build your knowledge. Notice their body language and think about what that is really showing you. A person twirling a bat in a negotiation isn’t feeling collaborative or well-prepared.

6. “Build confidence by doing”

(Me, ex Google, Negotiation Dynamo)

Negotiation is not a gift — it’s a skill. You build confidence by doing, not avoiding. Practice negotiating, learn what works for you and evolve with each experience. And remember: "You get in life what you have the courage to ask for,” as Oprah Winfrey said. Negotiation is not about being aggressive or manipulative; it’s about finding common ground, advocating for yourself and creating opportunities for success. You’ve got this!