Having a heart attack aged 24 taught me not everything is as important as it seems

There's science that says that a heart attack can change your brain chemistry.

By Raquel Hutt

(Raquel Hutt)

I describe it like someone setting me on fire, but like a ‘whoosh’. It felt like a whoosh, going down my arm. 

It was Friday August 9th, and until that day I’d been living my life the way a 24-year-old can and should.

I was working from my mom’s home in Long Island, in my job at a media marketing agency. I don’t always stay with her on Fridays, but that week I’d just had a feeling I wanted to be home.

After work I had my weekly therapy online. Then I walked to the bathroom. I pulled my pants down, and as I was about to sit on the toilet, I got the craziest sharp shooting pain in my arm. All I could do was squeeze it. And then I was overcome by sensory issues and cold sweats. My mom said I turned green. I was ripping my clothes off. I had to get out of my own body, if that makes sense. All I could say was, “my arm, my arm, my arm”.

My mom called an ambulance, and when the ambulance team got there, I was screaming F bombs at them - I have a very colourful vocabulary, that’s just the culture of my home. They said, “You're panicking, you're not having a heart attack”. But there’s a weird mind-body connection thing when something that drastic is happening to your body. Even though I wasn't having crazy chest pain, I knew that this was extremely serious.

It wasn’t until I had blood work done at the hospital that they saw my levels of troponin, which is your heart enzyme. Troponin leaks in your body if you have heart trauma. The average person has a troponin level of four nanograms per litre of blood. Mine was 600 and it made its way to 40,000. That’s indicative of someone having a crazy heart attack. So they put me on a gurney, and they were taking my blood every 15 minutes. They moved me to the critical care unit. For four days I was constantly hooked up.

When they finally said it was a heart attack, I cried. It was like a release cry. I was laying in my bed at that point: we had my pink blanket and my pink pillows from home, because I was there to stay for a while, and my whole family were all there. We were all just like, “What? What do you mean?”

I thought I was golden

Nothing in my lifestyle made me think this would happen. I am in the best physical shape that I've ever been in. I have, over three years, lost 50 pounds, by increasing my exercise and finding habits that work for me, that also keep me happy. I thought I was golden. I was working out very intensely, but not intensely in a pushing-my-heart way.

(Raquel Hutt)

Now, I keep joking that I'm like a 55-year-old man named Frank, because I take all of these medicines that I wouldn't otherwise take if I hadn’t had a heart attack. We've done test after test and they keep coming back fine, so it’s a little complicated while we figure out what’s wrong with me.

There's science that says that a heart attack can change your brain chemistry. I found myself feeling very melancholy. I described it as like being at summer camp and feeling homesick and wanting to go home. I think that the chances are 3% of something happening again, so I focus on the 97%, but it's this weird feeling, like I just want comfort. I slept in my mom’s bed for 19 days after the heart attack. I knew she would never let me die, so I always felt safe.

But it’s very isolating when everyone else is continuing to live their lives around you, especially at my age. I was supposed to go to Greece with all of my friends the week after this happened, and for a while in the hospital that was all I asked: “Can I go to Greece?” Obviously, I couldn't go to Greece.

So turning to social media and connecting with people who have things like chronic illnesses has meant a lot. People are explaining their heart trauma to me. I used to make videos about makeup and friends, and now it’s all about health and connecting people. I knew nothing about the kind of medical stuff I talk about now. I'm usually very squeamish. Now I'm like a seasoned vet, which, honestly, is liberating.

Take a breath

The experience has put everything into perspective. My relationships with people have changed. Everyone around me has that element of worry - I’m lucky I have such great friends and family who care. I have people coming out of the woodwork, like, “How are you? What are you doing?” which is really nice. It makes me feel like this happened to me for a reason. It’s connecting me back to all these people. 

I do have to be super cautious. I was not a big partier by any means, but I'm now very conservative with drinking. I used to exercise twice a day, but now my “personal trainer” is a cardiac rehab programme. I have to learn how to de-stress and calm down because I'm a very go-go-go person. I’d do a 7am workout, have a quick shower and run to the office. If I could tell my former self something, it would be to take a breath.

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Not everything is as important as people make it seem. If you’re five minutes late somewhere, it doesn't matter: you’re going to get there eventually. It's so cliché, but it’s about the journey not the destination. I’m trying to almost enjoy the annoyances of life, and reframe boring things like having to go to the laundry room so I can enjoy life fully. If I want a piece of candy and it’s not ‘heart healthy’ to eat it, I am a normal human.

I'm still figuring all this out. It won’t affect my whole life physically - I can have babies, I'm going to do all of the things I've always dreamed of - but it’ll probably be a year until I’m back in full swing.

The effect on me is twofold, because I would love to seize the day - that’s how I lived my life anyway - but right now I have to go to sleep a little earlier and eat a little healthier, and make sure I drink enough water. So rather than seizing the day, it’s more about framing all of those things, and turning lemons into lemonade.

Raquel is documenting her experience on Instagram and TikTok.