Chappell Roan’s comments about motherhood aren’t the problem
Why are we still so afraid to admit that motherhood is hard?
When pop sensation Chappell Roan candidly described motherhood as seeming like “hell” during her recent appearance on Alex Cooper’s Call Her Daddy podcast, she struck a nerve across the internet.
The 27-year-old singer, who doesn’t have kids herself, didn’t mince words: “I literally have not met anyone [with children] who is happy. Anyone who has light in their eyes. Anyone who has slept.” Cue digital uproar.
But me? I’m not triggered by it. And I don’t think I’m alone. As a 32 year-old mother of one (yes, yes - just one. Do I still get an opinion?), I can confirm that motherhood is bloody hard. Sometimes, there is minimal light in my eyes. Sleep is disrupted. Freedom is limited. That might be pretty hellish to some, and I get it.
Here’s the thing though: why is it still taboo to discuss the hardships of motherhood in 2025? Roan’s comments weren’t an attack on mothers; they were an unfiltered reflection of what she’s witnessed. Yet, the backlash suggests a societal discomfort with acknowledging that raising children can be exhausting, isolating and, at times, overwhelming.
Social media platforms are flooded with idealised portrayals of motherhood. The rise of the “tradwife” movement exemplifies this perfectly, showcasing women who embrace traditional homemaking roles, often presenting a polished, effortless image of domestic life. These curated snapshots can create unrealistic expectations, making it seem as though fulfillment is found solely in spotless homes, from-scratch cooking and perfectly-behaved children. If you’re not happy, you’re just not doing it well enough.
Such portrayals can inadvertently contribute to feelings of inadequacy among mothers who don’t see their realities reflected in these images. I’ve been there, I’ve felt it. The pressure to conform can be immense, leading to defensiveness when someone like Roan offers a contrasting perspective. It’s as if admitting that motherhood has its challenges is confessing failure.
But why should that be the case? Why do we, as a society, equate the acknowledgment of hardship with weakness or incompetence? For me, the defensiveness is simply perpetuating deeply ingrained notions that a mother’s worth is tied to her ability to juggle all aspects of her life without complaint.
“We see examples every single day of mothers still being put on a pedestal”
Historically, societal norms have idealised motherhood, expecting women to find complete fulfillment in domestic roles. The 19th-century ‘Cult of Domesticity’ promoted virtues like purity and submissiveness, positioning women’s value within the home. This narrative continued into the 20th century, where Betty Friedan’s ‘The Feminine Mystique’ highlighted the widespread dissatisfaction among housewives confined to domestic spheres.
Today, we see examples every single day of mothers still being put on a pedestal. This does a disservice to all parents, perpetuating a culture of silence around the very real struggles we face.
As sociologist Jennifer Walter wrote on threads: “Chappell didn’t criticize mothers. She described what the institution is doing to her friends. And the institution doesn’t like to be exposed.”
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Instead of vilifying a young woman for speaking her mind, let’s pivot the conversation. Let’s create a society where discussing the realities of motherhood isn’t controversial but encouraged, where mothers feel seen and supported, and where they can have a hellish day (or a lot of them).
After all, acknowledging the difficulties of motherhood doesn’t diminish its joys. It simply paints a more complete picture - if we’re brave enough to confront it.
I think you missed the point. Society is mad that more women are choosing to remain child-free and single, rather than having children and becoming mothers. Girls are socialized via the media, movies, families, and institutions to become mothers and wives, as the ultimate goal. Now that Tik Tok, and YouTube are showing the ugly truth about motherhood (at least in the US, UK, and other western countries) that motherhood is thankless unpaid labor, grueling work, sacrifice for future earning potential, and the key: useless husbands who don't do their fair share. That's the problem. With birthrates down, more women choosing themselves (and peace), and the men's "loneliness" crisis, motherhood and being a wife, is simply not worth it....
https://thequillandmusket.substack.com/p/the-immutable-laws-of-parentingfrom?r=4xypjp